Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I started this blog several days ago and then threw it away. I never realized that just a few days later I would be writing it again. The last several weeks my life has been spent on perception. I will listen to friends as we share old memories and it is so funny to hear how they remember and what you remember. I realized that through different times in our lives, our lack of wisdom and insecurities really play a part on our memories. We see our life through our own eyes and not the eyes of those around us. So perception plays a lot into how we live our lives, how we interact with others and remarkably how we interact with God.

Today, I am sitting at my desk watching a video of a young lady that I have only met a few times. But, through mutual friends and Caringbridge I have walked on a journey with them that I will never forget. Actually, there have been two young ladies now. One in Louisiana and now one here close to me. They both were amazing to me, not because they were ill, not because they had cancer and CF, but because they lived an abandoned life of today. This day was the one that mattered. The people they would meet, the way they talked, the way they loved was with everything they had. Total freedom and total love poured out of them. They did not have time to worry about their insecurities. Their perception of life was very much about today. Taking in all the things around us that sometimes in a hurry we miss.

It can be a small thing like remembering to smile at someone, the scent of flowers, the noise of the traffic, the cry of a newborn, the smell of rain. These are the things that are in the background and get missed. Why is this important, because it plays into the perception of that moment. If the only thing we remember is the guy yelling at the cabbie…we missed the smell of the rain to tell us we need an umbrella, the little baby crying that sweet little cry that reminds us that we are needed. It is not our little boy but we remember our baby and when they needed us. The eyes of our perception can be such a huge blessing to us if we use them.

I was watching "Love Happens" on Sunday and it reminded me of this. The movie is about a psychologist that gets a top selling book writing about how he survived after his wife died. He has some incredibly wise things to say but one that really stood out to me is when he took his class on a "field trip". He stopped traffic and took his class out to the middle of the street in front of the hotel. A very busy street. He tells them to say what you hear, see or smell. Then he takes them to the roof of the hotel and has them look out. His comment " It's still the same place but the view has changed." Yes, he is right. The view makes a lot of difference of how we perceive life.

Sometimes the days are not good. In my house, your perception may be that when we are home everything is fine. The truth is, everyday is a struggle. Everyday we start the day wondering what is in store. I hate talking about all the treatments, fears, struggles, complications and just the hardship of living life with a child that is so sick. When you look at life through those glasses, the perception could be very self involved. But we choose to look at higher things. Like our relationships, the people we love, what are they going through? But, as I watched the video today it hit me so hard. I saw the moments in her life that she felt were important and thought about my own. How many things I miss throughout the day. How many things I miss with Liv because…because I am tired, because I need a break, because ..because..because….then I remember how much time I miss with the Father….I just had this incredible picture of Kathy, in heaven today…hanging out with God and catching up on life. No questions…because she sees all the answers…just chatting back and forth. And I realized that our perceptions here are so limited and so self consumed. Today, I had a few calls that surprised me. But the things they were saying seemed so distant as I considered what Terri was going through losing her only daughter. What her Dad and brother were feeling. Though I know they were prepared, I know they will always feel the loss. And anything in my life seemed so insignificant and pale compared to the strength and love this family felt for each other.

So today I am making a shift in my perception. Today I want to live on a higher place where God truly is the center of my life, more than I have ever experienced. That the small things will not matter as much and my love abounds in my family and in my life without the insecurities, worries and frustrations that at the end of the day…really…do they matter?

In His grip

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