Friday, October 19, 2012

“A Daddy’s Love”

It has been more than a while since I have posted anything to my blog.  I would just stare at it and wonder what would I write? Things are good, for the most part, and we are getting past all the anxiety and learning to live life outside the hospital.  But the other day God started stirring something in my heart that I should have known all along, His love.

His love is not a new concept. In fact, we talk about it all the time. Why, after thirty something years of walking with God does this seem a new concept to me? But it is a new concept. I realized after all these years I had been walking by Faith, yes! I had been walking in loving God, yes! I had been walking in as much obedience as I know, yes! But all those things do not cover how much God loves me, not anyone else, just me.

This journey for me started several months ago. My Pastor and I were talking and he commented about “what are you willing to give up for God”! He wasn’t talking to me because from outward appearances that does not seem to be a problem but when I really started asking myself that question God started me down this road of self evaluation. What would I give up? Could I give up Olivia and trust Him with her? Could I give up what I think He has called me to do?  Could I give up my home and possessions?  Where was the line where I said No to God? 

Great questions, right! As I started trying to answer those questions and start walking down this road God kind of took a reverse position on me and asked me the question “what would I give up for you?”  . Of course we all repeat, you gave up your son?  I get an “A” for that answer….but it wasn’t the total right answer for me.

You see, with that question I did realize He gave up His son for me.  His son!  And He has given me a daughter, what would I give up for her? What were my expectations for her? What did I want her to learn more than just do because I asked her to? When I started seeing things through that looking glass I realized more things that I want to admit on this paper.

I realized that all this time I have been trying to “earn” God’s love from doing all that He asked.  Yes, He honored that but I truly did not understand that “just because” I exist I am loved.  That He treasures me.  He holds me in high regard.  I don’t earn those things, they just are because I am His child. If someone hurts me, He is there to take up my offense. If (or better yet when) I make a mistake He is the first one there to lend me His hand to stand up. When I can’t find my way, I just ask because He longs to teach me the right path.  I have strived for so long thinking I didn’t even deserve His compassion let alone the “riches” of His love.
So, what does that headline have to do with anything?  Well, when I finally started looking through those new lenses, God showed up to make sure I understood what He was trying to say to me. He would just lavishly bless me with things that I did not feel I deserve.  A beautiful new car, a new roof for our house, a scholarship for Olivia to be able to attend  school, Olivia well enough to attend school. Those things that were most important to me. I had no doubt they were from God.  Don’t get me wrong, life is still crazy, everything is not all ironed out but that is okay because for the first time I really understand a Daddy’s love. That love that bears all things, endures all things and hopes for the best because I have a God that believes in ME that much.  Guess what, He believes in you that much too!  You probably already understand this most important lesson but for me it was life changing. 
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