Friday, September 09, 2011

The Word of our Testimony


The Word of our Testimony

Friday, September 09, 2011

3:32 PM

For the last several weeks I have been very quiet in my writing.  It seems that in the midst of trying to find "what" to write I got lost in the "why" should I write.  You see, to me, when you write you are writing with the knowledge of being an expert. That is the one thing  I am not . I am not an expert.  I am just one person trying to live life being sold out  being a follower of Christ.  That does  not make me an expert, just another person living life the best I know how.

This all started weeks ago with so much turmoil in my spirit.  I just wanted to give up and throw it all in my delete bucket. But something just would not let me do that. God wanted me to stretch myself into hearing Him so that when I did I would not turn back.  I would know it was Him and only Him.

It actually started on Wednesday night.  I am listening to our Bible Study but in my mind all the things I feel I am supposed to be doing in life start rolling around in there, you know that head of mine can't keep still.  I keep focusing back on the message and my brain keeps going back to my writing.  It was quite frustrating arguing with myself in my head.  Thank goodness Chuck did not call on me to answer a question because my answer may have not been on the subject he was teaching. I would catch a bit of a phrase it would take me all the way through the scenario in my head again. All this head space was taken up to find my  purpose in writing. So many other things should have been able to go in my brain but really that has been my focus, arguing with God about this whole writing issue.  

A friend challenged me in that area and because I know her, I knew she is right. I challenged myself.  Why does it matter? Why not just give up. There are so many people out there doing a great job at it. So on and on the argument went.  But in the end, why did it matter?  I have a lot of other things I can do, why keep pressing me about this?

Through the last few years I have been challenged with so many things in writing.  Things I did not know, things I did not understand and quite honestly people that have the ability to write eloquently and draw  you in to their reading is such a gift that I did not really see myself as a writer.  I happen to "feel" extremely insufficient to write. But something continually draws me in.  The Holy Spirit constantly whispers in my ear these words that just feel like they need to be on paper.  So, I kept hashing at it until finally I gave up. Until today.

God has been teaching me so much lately about making it less "me" and more Him.  As I started seeing that picture of God drawing me nearer  to Him, I saw more clearly what He was asking of me.  Have you ever done that?  Have you ever thought, God you just don't get it?  Are you hearing me?  Then, in that quiet still moment the answer to that monumental problem seems to just appear.  Maybe it was in the shower as you were getting ready to go, or driving to work and you hear a particular song and it drifts your mind back to that problem and Wham! There is the answer.  Or even, sitting on your back porch in your favorite spot  the answer starts forming in your mind. 

As each day passed I got closer to seeing the picture and today I saw it the best.  I was at yet another Bible Study, I just love being out and about and learning, and I said to someone that God says " we overcome with the blood of the lamb and the WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY".  I was just talking but in my head I was saying THAT's IT.  No one has my testimony…no one has YOUR testimony.  I was so excited to tell my husband that I get it now.  God has shown me the reason to write.  Because maybe someone will be changed, encouraged, given strength, seen the love of God because I decided to share my testimony.  It isn't about me but it is about what God has done for me that it stands.

As I was processing that small piece of the puzzle, I got home and opened my email.  I had received a letter from a young girl that had read "Why Doesn't God Heal Me".  She told me how she cried, actually she said she started bawling which completely broke my heart for her , and had all the same questions as Olivia.  How much she felt she missed out on in her teenage years because she was sick.  Why doesn't God just heal her?  Then, after she shared her heart she just wanted to thank me for sharing mine through writing.  Wow.  Tears just would not stop as I read her letter.  That God touched her life, gave her hope and love that she so desperately needed and that He used her in my life.

I will thank her, because as the tears stained my face I realized how much God wanted to imprint on my heart that our testimonies matter.  They do help and impact people.  They do change lives and she will go on to help someone else because she is stronger and her faith has increased.  I also know that she will be on my daily prayer list as well.  There are no "chance" meetings. We don't always get to see the impact of what God is doing through us, through our life and through our testimony but He is using us each and ever day to impact someone in our life whether we realize it or not.

So…be strong…and share your testimony!  God has some mighty things He wants to do through you!  It may not be writing, that was my catalyst, but He has something that only you can do and say.  Your testimony is the one that will reach one…that will reach one…and reach one and can you imagine if all we all did that! 
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