Monday, September 06, 2010

Learn To Dance

"I have learned not to spend your life waiting for your storms to pass... instead, learn to dance in the rain."


Monday, September 06, 2010

Can you picture that summer rain. It's falling on your face as you twirl around and around. Not too cold and not too wet. Just right to make you feel alive, happy and carefree. In real life, these are really just moments. Not even moments, just seconds that we get to enjoy something spontaneous. Our minds work in the future, now that we are adults, seeing the next meeting we have to get to or the next dance lesson, soccer practice, ballgame…well, you get the idea. So we rarely take that moment that we jumped at in our twenties. But, boy do we need to. My Mom taught me this valuable lesson. Live, laugh and love with all your heart and always, always dance.

My life was very hard growing up. But no matter where we were financially, or emotionally, or even physically, Mom always made the best of it. At Christmas you would think she had a million dollars. The Holidays were always her favorite. I saw her struggle through so much and yet, she always laughed, she always loved with all she had, and she never held back. What a great lesson to learn. God obviously knew that I would need that picture for my life.

When I read that line this morning I thought about all I have gone through and grown through. I had forgotten the other day what life is about. It is not about the struggle, it is how you deal with the struggle.

You know, I was frustrated the other day. I was tired of going through all of this. I wanted an end to my poor little girl's suffering. I told Dean last night, I just wanted the storybook ending. And yet, that is not what my life has been about, really ever. I have weathered so many storms in my life. Not just Olivia's issues. I have faced hard times growing up, Dean and I have faced hard marriage issues, we have faced financial growth and death, we suffered through three miscarriages, we suffered through Olivia's premature birth, then three years later…this story began. But even after ten years of Olivia's suffering, Dean and I have lost parents to cancer and car accidents, we have had to move to Atlanta, Dean has had two heart attacks, but yet we press on. And what I hear from all of you is how I never give up. I always make the best of it. Well, I do. Because this life is not about our circumstances. I don't always like it. I am not always laughing and loving with Dean because he is my safe place and well, he has to take it, he said I do. But, I am always looking for the glass to be half full.

You can get overwhelmed with those circumstances. I bet if you listed the things in your life that have been hard, you would have to take a minute to breathe. It is not just my life, but everyone I know has struggled and lost. Sometimes we win, but always, in everything we give God Praise because He is and that is all there is. My life has become less about my circumstances and more about God. And the view through His eyes is so different from our earthly eyes.

When things are really tough, I really want to worship. I want to sing His praises and walk through His hallways. In worship, a lot of times I will envision walking down this long hallway. That walk allows me to free myself of all the earthly worries, the to do lists, shutting out those around me, and getting to the door. That hallway can be really long…then some days it takes no time at all. But when I get to the end of the hallway, I see this tall door that leads to His throne room. I guess I could be reverent but if you knew me, well, I am a rebel at heart. So I fling open the door into what I view as the throne room. When the doors opens there is just a wave of love, anticipation of expectation. In that room there is only unconditional love. You feel it, you see it and if you could…you could taste it. That room is made just for me and my Father in Heaven. You know, I never envision anyone in that room but Him. No angels on high, not even Jesus, just a Dad that has been waiting on me to show up. He always has such expectancy on His face.

And really, according to my day, I usually run right up to His chair and hop in his lap. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile and laugh. Sometimes I just sit. Just to be near Him. Just to let Him know how much I love Him. To feel His love surround me and to know that this will pass, this hurt will only last a moment, and that He holds all the answers in His hand and knows what is best. And then, I dance. Not really outside, but on the inside. In my heart. It takes a leap of hope. It grabs hold of love and relies on faith. I begin to see things in a different light. Because He holds the truth and so light can shine on the truth and open up a whole new way of looking at your circumstance. Then, I see the joy of the moment and I can dance in the rain.

Now, I know this may sound so crazy to you. I have no idea why I have shared such an intimate moment I have with God. And truly, you may think I just took the time to write this picture but you would be wrong. Every time I am in worship of any kind, this is truly what I do in my mind. So, when you see me with my hands held high, or you see my tears, or you see me smile in service, you will know I have just walked into His room and been loved.

So, I am going to dance, sing, love and laugh as much as I can. Life is short. Storms Pass but attitudes can last a lifetime. I want to be full of life and not full of bitterness. Full of fun and laughter not sorrow and mourning. Because new mercies I see :)



In His Grip, always

Barb

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