Sunday, February 14, 2010
It has been one of those crazy weeks. Miranda has come to stay with us for a few weeks and she is a bowl full of energy. It has been great for Olivia because she has not felt well from some horrible cold she picked up somewhere this week and when she seems to be getting better, well, she gets a little worse. This is probably no different than half the households around with all the crazy weather we have been having. It does make it more challenging around mine though. It adds breathing treatments, constant supervision on meds and a watchful eye to make sure it does not turn into anything worse. It also means keeping things clean, dis-infected and in order...things which I loath to do.
I like an orderly house, I like that fresh clean smell, but I just hate having to do it. So for me, it is something I have to make myself do. So I break all of it up into chunks and take breaks in between. It is so sad, I would rather work at my job than do the laundry. Actually I think I would rather have my teeth pulled but then I might be exaggerating a tiny bit. Give me the bathroom any day over laundry.
But I digress, back to Miranda. Miranda came to stay with us last year while she was interning over the summer. Though she had her stuff here, her internship and life was a little crazy and really we did not see much of her. But this time, she has had time to hang with us and it has illuminated my eyes to a few things that I need to work on. I love having people around that are full of passion and love for the Lord because it gives me a chance to see things through their eyes...and sometimes that is a very good thing. I do need to stand outside my life and take a hold of what it really looks like and not what I want to see.
One of my favorite songs is "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. No, I don't have her album, I don't know any other song that I am aware of that she sings but this song captured me. It pulled me in with the words
"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find"
I could see myself sitting at that desk, trying to write, but not by my own hand but what God was trying to speak to my heart. Because writing is where I can express those innermost thoughts I have with the Lord. My dirty window of sin, or looking through glasses darkly....I have to open up my heart to see through either one of those analogies. Sometimes I like my window dirty. Sometimes I don't want to see or admit they are dirty. If I look away then I won't notice that they need to be cleaned.
I clean my windows twice a year. The amazement is how dirty they are. Looking out of them on a casual basis you don't see all that dirt and grime build up. But just like those crows in the Windex commercial, once they are cleaned the shine is so much brighter. Once they are cleaned, so much more light comes into the house. I love that feeling of warm beautiful sun. But again, let me just say, I hate the work you have to do to get them cleaned. I even have that nice kind that you can clean both sides inside the house.
So sometimes, I have to sit at my desk and take accessment if I am really letting the light of the Holy Spirit shine through or is it time to get the cleaner out and do some spring cleaning. I will let you in on a secret. If it's time for some spring cleaning, you will find me running away for a few days. That is not my favorite part of talking with God. Do I love it when it is over, oh yes, but I hate the process.
Then the song falls right into this chorus...and what a wonderful way to worship!
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Wow...wrap your heart around that. To stand before the Lord with no inhibitions, to allow Him to cover me with the Holy Spirit's overflowing water of love. That healing balm that things are just fine between He and I and to feel that all encompassing love, acceptance and freedom to not be right. To be able to make a mistake and still have a relationship.
There have been many times in my life that I let Him into my heart as much as I thought possible...then I would walk a little further down the road and find that it was really only a small part I allowed God access too. But when I allowed Him that little bit more, He rushed right in. And the peace, love, hope and joy of being with Him was and is overwhelming.
So what I am learning this week is to be open and honest with God and people. To live my life in a way that allows people to see the real me. To not be ashamed if your life is not where you thought it would be. I have someone staying in my house and my life. That person is walking through my life and looking at the pictures. Not the ones on the wall but the ones that are being developed and see inside the walls of security I call my home.They know that the bill collectors are calling, they know if I misstepped in my relationship with Dean, they know if Olivia is coddled or undisciplined.They see it all. But, if I live my life open, then that allows God to be so much bigger. That allows Him to take the things I get wrong and make it right, the things I get right can have a good impact on someone's life and the walk I have will maybe mean something more than just "Hi, nice to meet you". Maybe that life can go a little deeper into a walk with God that even I don't understand.
The ending to the song is this:
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The one amazing thing about songs to me is that they capture a moment, a feeling, sometimes my passion about something...but a song that resonates with me captures something in me that pulls me in and makes me think, listen.
Music has an incredible ability to soar past our mind and into our emotion and our heart. It is amazing some of the songs that have inspired a cause, crossed cultural lines and can take us into the throne room of God. But how many of us really pay attention to the words. The lyrics. The actual words that are expressing what the writer is trying to say? I try to listen when someting pricks my heart because that 6 inches from my head to my heart is a very long road that can be really stubborn and a song can put my car in overdrive to make the trip. Where I want to be! Where I long to be! Safe in my Dad's arms of love and "only doing what I see the Father do, and Saying what only my Father says" Jesus.
I get that chance everyday to write a new page in my life. The past is written but the future holds so many possiblities, changes, growth and love. The time we live in now is growing harder and harder for some of our best friends, neighbors, loved ones. The recession, disease, and life is just hard. But if we do live our life "wide open" God can use just the fact that we do the laundry when we don't want to, to give love to someone that needs it. We never know what will give someone hope and a future. Only God knows, but if we are willing to reach up and know Him more, that overflow will surely bless someone else. It isn't always about John 3:16...sometimes it is about Genises through Revelation. Walking the walk....
In His Grip