My word for 2012, A deeper Love

The song goes “if a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you?” We naturally know the answer to the question the artist is posing but I love the part that it takes a thousand words to describe a painting. Because that is exactly what words, do! Words create, they incite, they challenge, and they can wrap themselves around our hearts to move us. If I say the word “Beautiful,” you immediately create a picture in your mind of what that word represents to you. My picture will be different from yours because our experiences are different but that one word stirs feelings and emotions. The beauty of words is the effect they have on us. How they collect our thoughts together to create this picture in our mind. Writers are constantly challenged, whether a songwriter or a novelist, to write those words that help you “see” what they are talking about and not just hear. 

The beauty of seeing words is that in using those senses we are able to make changes in our lives when necessary. The wonderment of the Bible is that those words come alive each time we pick it up.  The bible is full of words and the words spring to life from the page. The scriptures can become life changing if we allow it.

With that thought in mind, I took the challenge from a friend at the end of the year to see what “word” God might be giving me for the year 2012. I am ready for a challenge. I have lived in constant change for so long that the time we have been at home has truly been an unfolding adventure for me. However, it has also been quiet at times. It is a bit hard to go from constant crisis to routine. I never thought I would say that. I craved the routine and mundane but I have learned it is harder to live in the ordinary than it is in the extraordinary.

 My friend’s word was “surrender.” What a great word. Surrendering all your decisions, your worries and hopes with your dreams to the Lord. Challenging yes, but the treasures are infinite. I know my friend Julie is doing her best to experience surrendering in her life. She is blogging her journey and you might want to check out her blog at http://juliegarmon.com, she writes so beautifully about her experiences.

When I prayed and really sought the Lord, I was definitely curious to see the answer. I was not sure how I would know what “that” word would be but when it came to me it was obvious. It made so much sense to where I was in life. That “aha” moment happened and I knew He wanted me to have the full experience of that word in my life. Are you curious? I am so excited about it for this year.  The word I hear for myself seems to be deepening my love for the Lord. That I might see life through His eyes just a little deeper. That I would take a moment and listen to the Holy Spirit just a bit closer. Relying on that love to help me keep my eyes on Him.

Deeper can be intimidating, even scary at times. It might require more of me than I think I can give. However, it fits right in the core of my life right now. Yes, I have walked down so many paths in my life that you would think I had this part down pat. The lessons I have learned, those moments, those mountaintops, and valleys have helped me see life in a different way. I learned those lessons in my journey in life and now is the time to apply them.

So this year I feel that my word is “Deeper”. A deeper walk with the Lord, a deeper love for Him and others and most of all a deeper understanding of who God really is in my life.

 In my life, I am starting to see that life can be intrinsic. Our families, our jobs, our bills, and of course our “stuff” we need to live that life surround us. At times, they even engulf us. I think for me this year, God is asking me to look outside of my box.

My comfort zone is to stay in my house and deal with the life that is living inside it. For the first time in years though, I have the opportunity to get to know other people that are not trapped in a critical crisis. But let me just say, so many are out there caught in crisis without having to be in a hospital room. I have been in prayer and pain in my heart for some of the people I have gotten to know over the past few months that are in a crisis. When I heard going deeper in my love for God those faces were the ones that were “painted” for me in my mind. He wanted me to take that moment and see past the words and phrases in their lives and see them theway He would see them.

That sounds so pretty but really, it is hard. We have our own expectations. We have our own lives we are living. Looking beyond those walls we have built around our life takes energy. Stopping and asking the Holy Spirit what I should do in a circumstance will require more of me. When I listen though, I will hear the heartbeat of God and it will naturally take me deeper. I will be walking in a new place that has new vision for my life. New hope springs up. My eyes see a kaleidoscope of colors and not just black and white. Because when you start seeing past your life and seeing others in God’s eyes, your view changes.

We laugh and enjoy “How the Grinch stole Christmas.” The wonderment of the story is that one little girl changed the heart of the Grinch. That is just a story with a moral. But in reality a father sent His only son to show us love. That love not only changed one life but the lives of so many we can’t even begin to count them. When I see that love not only working in my life but the lives of others, well you can’t help but want to change and go deeper. So, this year I am diving in….I know it is going to be an adventure! I can’t wait to see what happens.

Walking with the Holy Spirit

    

It’s the New Year. Time to get the schedule back on schedule right! I am rushing through my day to get all those things in order to start the New Year off right. But as I rush to the door with your keys in hand, coffee in the other, an d I go through that mental list of what needs to be done I hear that still small voice say WAIT. Start that list again I think I missed something. Yes, I hear it again, that soft whisper to go over the list one more time. I have to run but that small whisper is telling me to stop, just a minute. Think it through one more time, what did I miss?

Have you ever heard that soft whisper in your ear? I whirled around to see what I missed. It could have been that $20 bill that I desperately needed, an old friend I had not seen in a while came to mind, a passage of scripture I missed this morning floated to the top of my mind or even one minute to say that extra prayer for a friend. Whatever that moment, I stopped to take a second look and I was blessed by listening. I saw, heard, or felt where to go next. The circumstances vary but that still small voice was the guidance I needed for that moment.

So many times, we do not recognize one of the greatest gifts God has bestowed on us, the Holy Spirit. He has been given the task of taking care of us. He encourages us. Helps us learn, guides us and most of comforts us. His job is monumental because He never intrudes on us.

That same Holy Spirit also knits our hearts together. Have you ever wondered why when you met a new friend they felt as if you had known them all your life. Maybe that was the Holy Spirit knitting your hearts together so that you both can become stronger. Have you ever just “known” someone was hurting but no one else seemed to notice? Again, the Holy Spirit working in our life. Have you ever received a gift that you knew was directly from God, once again, the Holy Spirit working.

This New Year for me is going to be about going deeper in the Word so I can hear the Holy Spirit even more. I have found that He tells us more than we realize. He helps us to love more than we can ever understand and helps us forgive and give forgiveness beyond our own abilities.  More than that He teaches us how to live our lives with an open hand. To give more than we have, receive more than we can understand and live more freely than we have ever done in our lives. These things draw people to the God that lives in us and ultimately to the gospel of Faith that they need so desperately.

So next time when you feel that extra “nudge” to do something, say something, act on something or just go talk to someone you might think about actually trusting God and doing it.

A Season of Remembering

A Season of Remembering

The wonder of the birth of Christ that will save us from ourselves. What a mystery God created with the birth of Christ. How many people really knew that Mary was carrying the child of God? We always picture that of course everyone knew and accepted that she was. I am sure that Mary and Joseph were both overwhelmed with what God was doing. He told them first of course. When the Holy Spirit shadowed Mary and the Angel appeared to Joseph, to them there was no question it was God working in their lives.

 When God first speaks to you, isn’t it glorious! You stand in awe of the moment and you just “know” all this is from Him. I remember when we were trying to have a child, how discouraged I was at first because we just could not get pregnant and we had two miscarriages. How devastated I was. I will never forget the hour that God told me to trust Him. In that moment, I knew that God would bless us somehow with a child.

After the blush of the Holy Spirit and the Angel, appearing to Joseph, life settled into a routine. The glory of that moment seemed to fade as it became more apparent to everyone Mary was with child and yet not married. Can you imagine what they had to deal with? Can you imagine the jeering, the gossip, and the whispers as they both tried to walk through what God had called on them to do? The judgment from God’s own people that did not recognize the gift He was about to give to us. The gift that would cost Him so much. These two people were burdened and blessed.

Did Mary unburden her heart to anyone? Did she suffer quietly? She had answered the call of God on her life and yet, she was set aside. She was doing exactly what God asked of her but, the people of God could not see what God was about to do. She lived here on earth with people that were blind to the Spiritual things that God was trying to accomplish.

Does it sound familiar? Maybe God has put something on your heart, or called you to do something that in the earthly world does not measure up. Maybe it will cost you your reputation; your material things or maybe it will cost you your family because that can’t see the spiritual realm that God has shown you? Whatever it is, the cost is worth it. The cost of going deeper with God is more valuable than you know. Walking with Him not matter the cost took me through a life that would tear everything I knew apart. What God handed back to me, a life that I would not ever exchange. The journey hurt. The journey was painful. The reward was great! My relationship with God is so much stronger than even I knew I could have.

After my heart was truly broken, spilled out before Him I could see a new life that would call me to a much deeper spiritual calling than I had ever known before. A calling to a life that was not just a passive acknowledgement of God and His works, but participating in His work. A call to love God’s people the way He did, through His eyes. To see their hurts, burdens and pain as a place to help them grow, learn to love deeper and to walk on with a God that loves them so much because I had been there. I can feel that pain even when it is not spoken. Because I have experienced that pain. Because I have been there through tragedies and moments of crisis, I know God holds us all tightly in His hand.

We always see this time of year as Mary and Joseph head to Bethlehem  and the birth of Jesus as some tender, sweet journey through two Godly people. Which they were God’s chosen parents to take care of His son. What an awesome statement of their faith. However, the journey he sent them out on was not easy and would last for 33 years. I am sure they had years that were not as hard but Jesus was God’s son. Just like Jesus, they suffered from the judgment of their peers. Their calling was now participating in God’s work. His plan that was the ultimate gift of Jesus. However, most did not understand His plan. Nevertheless, they pressed on. As Jesus died and rose again, can you imagine how Mary must have felt. The testimony she would give of her son. Because, she was His mother. Her heartbeat was with His. She loved Him so very much. That was her calling and she walked through every heartache and every comment with pride knowing she was following God.

When God blesses He also provides. Before God ever blessed Mary with Jesus, He had already made a way for her to be able to withstand the judgment of this world. He knew the heart of His own people and what Mary would endure. He knew that not everyone would accept his plan for salvation and not all would understand who Jesus was going to be in their life. He knew that their eyes were blind to the gift that would enter this world.

God knew that Mary would need strength to endure it all. That she would need Joseph to stand behind her. She would need Joseph to be her strength when she could stand it no more. When God calls you, He also provides. Each step is already been walked before you by God. He goes before us and is our rear guard.

This Christmas I remember the birth of Christ but also remember the “call” on Mary’s life. The blessing she was to raise Jesus. To teach Him and help Him along the way as He grew into the man and son of God. The bible says she pondered those things in her heart. I am so sure she did.

As I remember the walk Mary took, I look at Olivia. No, not the same story, but a calling nonetheless. The calling to take the road less traveled. A road that we have walked so many years now and is painful. God entrusted us as parents to raise her to know Him and love Him through all her pain. He entrusted us to grow and know Him on a deeper level so that we might bring Honor to Him. The stories of faith, of lives changed, of miracles in our lives and others has truly been nothing short of miracles along the way. We have fallen short many times but every time we have gotten back up, scraped the dirt off and walked on because of greatness of who God is in our lives. This year as I remember the birth of Christ I realize the true gift of being able to walk “boldly into the throne of grace” and God listening. He listens as we pray. He loves us as we pray. He stands with us as we “ask and pray.” All because Jesus chose to be born into this world and was raised from the Dead. 

A Season of Wonder

Well, I have struggled all week about what to write. It just seems that this time of year is about the wonder of God and not a Bible Study. The season helps us remember what God has done for us and not what we have lost. So I made the decision to take the next few weeks and write about this season. This season seems to be a great time that we all reflect on what we have had, where we have been and where we are going. Some of us have great memories that have turned sad, some still have great memories and more to be made, and some have a mixed bag of blessings and heartache at this time of year.

This time of year brings all of those memories to me as well. I have a mixed bag of blessings and sadness. But through it all, above it all, I can see the blessings far outweigh the hurt, pain, struggles and strife. The joy and wonder of Christmas is the best blessing of all. Because the wonder of life, miracles, healing,  and love have been poured out to me by a God and Father that loves me more than I can ever understand or contain in just that one word,love. The wonder and honor of His love is greater than anything we can imagine. It seems that Christmas, like Easter, reflects and demonstrates His ultimate love for us.

When I hear the word wonder I always picture this little girl in her warm mittens, scarf, and hat bundled up and turning around and around as the snow is falling to the ground. I just see the twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face and the snow seems like love surrounding her. She has no idea where the snow really comes from and she doesn’t care. She doesn’t  care that it is cold because she is bundled and enjoying the moment. She is completely abandoned to her moment of wonder. I think it is the innocence and the pure joy of experiencing that wonder that shows me how God has provided for me.

My moment of wonder has been the start of the holiday season. My tree is up and decorated. The lights are going up in our yard and we are starting to continue some of our family traditions. I look around at all that is being accomplished and I am like that little girl with the twinkle in her eye, amazed at the “wonder” of the blessings of God. Hers was snow, but mine is the blessings and miracles God has provided in my life.

One blessing seems small but is huge for us. This year Olivia was able to help me decorate the Christmas tree. In the past few years her strength and endurance was just not enough to help. T his year we laughed as we spun the lights around the tree, we groaned as the ornaments would not go exactly where we wanted and we watched Christmas movies and giggled and talked through two evenings of decorating. I stopped myself several times to remind me to take a memory picture of this moment. This moment of pure joy and wonder of a Christmas, I was never even able to see coming.

We have a tradition of going to see different lights around our little city of Buford. We usually go out once an evening for about 30 minutes. These last few years Olivia has stayed home more than she could go to the point we stopped going. This year, we have been able to do it! We sing along to Christmas songs on the radio as we talk about each house that is decorated or not. We get ideas for our yard or for next year, we laugh and talk about the people that may live there. They must have kids; they are older and cannot do much etc. In fact, there are several places we go every year just to see what they have done this year. I always want to leave a card in their box to say how much we appreciate their effort, LOL. Not sure what they would make of that but hey, we do love it.

This may not seem like much to you but to me, it is a miracle and I am so thankful that God would allow me to have more time with my daughter. I am so thankful that God would allow me to marry a man that would endure so much heartache through this crisis (for eleven years and counting) and come out the other side a stronger, more caring, more loving man. That we would be able to withstand so much in our marriage and still be able to say “I love you” and not have walked away from something that became very precious. That the material things of this world have become so much less than the eternal things that matter. The wonder that God would know where we needed to walk each and every day to come to know Him on an even deeper and stronger level. The wonder of a God that knows each of us so personally and so honestly that we trust Him to know what is best for us can be so very hard and yet so very freeing. We have lost much and we have gained much.

As I have been thinking about this Advent season that is upon us, I remember. I remember many Christmas’s holding on to God’s hand, praying we would get through one more. I remember a God that would stand by me, call people to pray to hold my arms up one more time, and help us as we got through one more tough Christmas season.

I also remember that Jesus chose to be born here on earth so that He could save us from the death and destruction of this earth. Without His sacrifice I could not have walked into the throne room of God and lay on altar and ask Him to protect, love and care for my daughter, my marriage, my family as we all suffered. The ones I have lost along the way, I know they are in a far better place and have the love of an incredible Heavenly Father. Though I miss them terribly, I know their days are filled with joy. The wonder of heaven.

This Christmas for me is about the wonder of miracles. The miracle of healing that Olivia is experiencing right now. The many, many miracles that God has allowed us to see along the way. We would have never made it this far without God going before us and coming behind us. We would not have made it this far without the friends, prayer warriors, and family that have held us up and found a way when it seemed there was no way.

So this Christmas there are many wonders…many miracles…many blessings. One of the biggest blessings is you. That is the incredible “wonder” of God that knits hearts and lives together to help hold each other up as they struggle through their crisis so that they can experience the incredible love of God.

Blessings on this Advent Season. I will be remembering you in my prayers!

In His Grip

Barb

"Man of His Word"--Commitments

Right now I am in the middle of “spring cleaning”. Why now? Because I have not had this much time at home in three years and it feels good to get things in order. Finally, I have decided to take care of my neglected baseboards, cluttered closets, and baggage galore from going back and forth to the hospital. I am working like crazy because order takes time. Cleaning is messy and rewarding. It takes all my effort to get dirty so it can be cleaned.

I was working in the kitchen and could not believe how messy my cabinets were down near the floor. Obviously, no one gets down on the floor and looks there but it was like a sore thumb to me. It was grimy. Things had built up, like the cleaner in the crevices, grease that was not cleaned up and so one. Slowly I made it to each cabinet and each place on the floor and was rewarded with a nice clean floor and cabinets. Once I surveyed the land, it felt good. I committed myself to the task and finished. Woohoo!

That was a choice. I could have pretended it was not there and eventually it would have been obvious to everyone. Or I could commit myself to the task and feel like I accomplished something. Choices. We have choices each day. Some of those choices get harder and harder to stand behind. The cleaning process starts and we get messy. God starts cleaning and we can get overwhelmed. I remember asking Him to do it but in the process we see things we never wanted to see. We start seeing the fruit if our choices and the changes in our heart.

The biggest change is the commitment. The commitment to press in and go deeper with God. When we start moving that luggage out so we can get closer to God, the process can get messy. We might have to deal with things that make us uncomfortable. The process can leave us wanting to throw in the towel, pack that luggage right back in the closet and move on. Simple, easy and we never even have to get messy. There are days that we are excited and happy to see the change but other times we are loaded down with our circumstances and choices that the luggage just will not even budge. We finally decided to pull out a piece of that luggage in the closet and thought better of it. The door is open and it will all start falling out.

Is the choice to throw it back in the closet? Or is the choice to finally get rid of junk inside this one suitcase? Do we want more or less? How many choices will we have to make to get that luggage cleaned out and put away? We have a choice to live with the hurt and pains of our past or we can choose to let them go with forgiveness and pressing in to God. In pressing in to God we seem to gain more than we ever set out with on that journey. The first step to walking on with God and growing to trust, love and believe in Him begins with commitment. The test of all love is commitment.

Remember Hannah. Hannah had a lot of baggage she was carrying up that hill to the temple. But this time she was committed.  She was committed to God, she was committed to her faith, and she was committed to whatever God would ask of her.

I think great things come from a pure passion of commitment. We have forgotten in our culture the value of our name. Men used to take pledges on their word. A man’s word was almost as good as a legal contract. His word, was his commitment.

Today, why don’t we look at one piece of luggage in that closet. That one piece may even have the word commitment on it. Just pull it out, slam the door closed quickly, lest any others fall. Read back on 1Samuel and see what God may be speaking to you this week. Just commit to one piece of baggage. You never know how easy it may be to just let It go.

But if you are struggling, call a friend, find someone you can talk to and see what God has for you. God does say seek wise counsel. I encourage you do so. Keep it all in perspective and balance.

Blessings, praying for you this week. Praying many, many blessings on your life.

In His Grip

Barb

The journey is long, but the blessings are huge

We are continuing on with Hannah this week in 1Samuel 1. I hope you are seeing Hannah as a real person.  A woman hungering after God and the blessings she was lavished with by God. One of things I know God honors is a heart hungry after Him.  I am praying for you this week to hunger and thirst for the God.  To see Him in a new light.  A new perspective. So let's read on and see if God will show you something you might need to start this week.

One of the most extraordinary things I think happened on that day that Hannah "fell" on the altar was a new depth of understanding of  God's love.  Not only was she ready to receive God's love, she was ready to give it. This process of that final day on the altar took years.  Hannah had been tormented and tormented herself for years before she became broken and spilled out before the Lord.  Her journey was a long and painful one.  But the one thing that held her from becoming bitter , angry and despondent was her love for God.  I am sure that was an attraction for Elkannah as well. There is nothing more beautiful than a heart for God.  But those  years all Hannah saw was a worthless rag doll of a woman. How much more was being created in her heart than she ever knew.

Some days that is how my life feels, long and hard. Every day is a new challenge, a new test of my strength. I look over at other women that have time (and money) to just get their haircut and shaped. I have to fight off the despondency.  There are days that all I long  to just be able to get exercise in  and a schedule. My days consist of "Olivia" and then everything else. Please do not hear me complaining. I recognize the grace and gift of each and every day.  But some days, you do tend to wonder and want what others have. That is the human side of our nature. That is some of the imperfections that God always wants to work out in our life.

Elkannah's second wife is a great example of never allowing God to work through those inadequacies of life.  She was jealous, angry and bitter towards Hannah because she recognized something she did not have, Elkannah's heart. She did not turn her ways toward the Lord to allow Him to protect her from that hardness. She just became angry and bitter. I know that her heart was quite unattractive to Elkannah. 

Since Hannah's heart was turned toward the Lord. He protected her heart. He saw her hurt and pain and patiently waited for her to turn it all over to Him. As a parent, God knew how important it was for Hannah to reach out to Him. That she would learn to trust Him. In that process, she would develop a strong foundation and a heart of love that would birth a mighty leader, Samuel. She also created a bond of love for Samuel so strong that he did not resent her for leaving him at the temple but anticipated her arrival each year. Only someone who knows love can give that kind of love that surpasses our earthly flesh into a spiritual realm.

God delivered on His promise and Samuel was born.  But no longer did Hannah have that ache of hurt and shame.  She was walking with renewed purpose.  She could have doubted that God would not give her a child but honestly I think from that moment on, she really did not care.  The promise she received on the altar was a love that was unconditional, overwhelming, everlasting.

When she became pregnant, Hannah more than recognized the miracle inside of her. She saw Samuel as the fulfillment of a promise but I think that promise was also one to her, about her.  The love of her Abba Father. She promised to dedicate her child to him.  That dedication, that ability of a mother  to let go of her one and only son at the time.  That one promise she gave back so freely to the Lord by sending Samuel to the temple to be raised as a priest.  What a demonstration of love and sacrifice on her part. But because she was first loved…she was able to give love.  The miracle that she wanted in one child became the leader of a nation.   The journey of one woman being broken and spilled out, led to a voice of God to the nation of Israel.  A huge miracle.  God breathed and destined.

Wow.  We really never know what God has planned once we start walking towards him.  I am sure Hannah never knew God's intent was to birth Samuel as the leader of the nation.  She just wanted a child.  The reasons don't matter anymore, the journey does.  The journey led to so many other miracles. 

In our day, I wonder what Billy Graham's mother thought when she saw him speaking to the world about Christ. Did she have any idea that he would be such a strong voice for the gospel? I was able to meet Max Lucado at one time.  He was so different than what I expected.  I was expecting a very quite unassuming man.  He was full of personality and charismatic. He was funny, lots of energy, and completely about his family. I wonder if his mom had any idea that he would speak so eloquently about Christ through his writings. Those writings are profoundly penetrating to the heart of the matter.

 I have no idea what their parents were like but I know this, God has truly exemplified His love for His people through the word of God and in our day, through these men as well. Yes, there are many, many others, but when I think of love, God's love for His people, these are the men that come to mind.

Who comes to mind for you? Who shaped your love for God to allow you to hunger and thirst to know God more? 

Has God showed you something important about your child that  you need to nurture?  Has He shown you a character trait that the Holy Spirit reminds you to foster at times?

When I look in the mirror what do I truly see?

We left last week about Forgiving ourselves. This week we are going to look at our ability to receive love. Is there a hindrance in your life holding you back from receiving. Let’s take a look at Hannah in 1Samuel 1:1-8.Ask God to open your heart to hear if there is anything holding you back.

Our first impression of love comes from our parents. How they nurture us, care for us, and are passionate about us starts the process of that small seed growing where we develop the idea of who we are as a person. That process also starts helping us understand how to receive love. If you have ever read the book "The Five Love Languages" you know that naturally God has instilled in us certain ways we receive love. In our growing years, those languages can be messed up a bit if our parents do not lay a solid foundation for us.

Some of us have grown up with incredible parents that have done nothing but love us unconditionally. They have walked through hard times with us and still given all they have to help us find our way. We learned to respect their hand of love in many different areas of our life. The foundation for us to receive love is strong. Our mistakes may be the culprit that hinders us.

Sadly, some of us may have not seen such love and grace from our parents. We have only seen the result of their inability to love and have grace. We have seen them lash out and hurt those around them because of their pain or unforgiveness. The toll this takes on our lives not only affects us, but those around us. Our view of a heavenly loving Father that is passionate about us seems unreachable, unattainable.

In the bible God specifically talks about the role parenting has in a child's life. The impact of their decisions directly affects a child's view of their world. Their ability to reach out and be in the family God created for them. Jesus said let the little children come unto to me. So He could love them. He knew their precious hearts were open to hear a word of love and receive it. In those tender years, we are sponges that absorb everything around us.

That love for a child is where we start with Hannah. Let's open up in prayer here and open our Bibles to 1Samuel 1:1 Hannah desperately wanted a child. She wanted to feel life growing in her like her counterpart, Elkannah's second wife. She dreamed of the day that she could see her child playing with the other children. When she could bath them, nurse them, kiss their hurt and soothe their pain. Her heart yearned for that day. One other note we should make here is that in Hannah's culture, if a wife did not produce children she was worthless and usually put away. Back then, women were more property than considered an individual person of value. A little more than slaves.

The first thing that stands out to me is in verse 1. The first statement in verse 1 is defining Elkannah's heritage, not Hannah's. Her lineage does not matter as much as Elkannah's. The first few verses define her husband more than Hannah. I find it interesting because it is Hannah's devotion that leads to greatness. Nevertheless, it also gives us insight into how Hannah may have been feeling about herself. Can you imagine being one of two wives? Then, the other wife is able to establish herself more than you because the only reason you are in the relationship with your husband is to produce children and yet, you can't. But, wait, the bible clearly states that Hannah was given double portions of everything because her husband loved her the most. He is trying so hard to show his undying devotion to her. As if to say, I know she gives me children but you give me love. 

Hannah, could not accept that love. Her heart was so hurt by not giving her husband the one thing that she thought he needed, a child. The other wife attacked worth daily and her society told her she had no value. All those things played over and over in her mind. So much that she could not see a true picture of her situation.

In reality, her husband was showing her for a very long time that all he needed was her. He gave her liberties as a wife she should not have had. He did these things because he loved her. He went as far as to give her double portions. His love and devotion was so obvious that the second wife was extremely jealous of Hannah. She was so jealous she taunted her.

But Hannah's pain did not allow her to see Elkannah's heart.  Her heart was in so much pain, rejection and lacked self worth that she could not truly see his love for her. She definitely could not receive it. Hannah's pain was finally to much to bear.

I believe when she laid on the altar that last time, she gave it all up to God. She drug her suitcase through those halls. I can see her lugging it behind her. Each step, as it bangs against another step. Her last bit of strength gone from the heaviness in her heart. But, she finally takes that last step and just throws herself on the altar. Her weeping and moaning are so intense the priest believes she is drunk.

This day though, Hannah will not be daunted.  She will not leave this place with all that baggage. She is ready for the hurting and the pain to stop.  She is taking all she has and throwing it on the altar, busted and broken. That luggage is not going anywhere but here today. Here on the altar to be placed before her God. She is finally asking Him to help rebuild the fractures of her heart. Those remote places that need a healing hand that only he can heal. A place to re-paint the picture of her life through His eyes and not her own. As she stood to talk with the priest she felt just a bit lighter. She was much more confident. She had more love than when she walked up those steps. This day, she had called on her God to hear her heart and He did. He overwhelmed her with His love. The kind of love that cast out fear, that heals the brokenness and frees us from the chains of our past, our guilt, and our unforgiveness. He took her heart and gave her all the love she needed. This day, after that long journey, Hannah could finally receive it.

Today, why don't we take a moment and just get quiet with God. See if He has anything He wants to show us. We might not be weeping now, we may even be in a place that we know all of this but, let's just take a moment and hear. Let's open up our heart's and let the Holy Spirit speak.

 

When Samuel was born, I am sure that the love Hannah had for him was overwhelming. She loved him with all her heart. She gave all she was as a mother to give him a foundation that would serve him well as a leader of a nation. Hannah had endured some heart wrenching moments in her life but those moments were lessons to show her what love was truly all about.